A LAMENT

A lament. 

Today I am not a believer. I do not believe you God. I do not believe that you are love. I do not believe that we are love, that they are love. I do not believe that love wins. Not today. Today I do not believe. 

I don't have to. If there's a God, an all powerful, all loving, GOD, then God does not fall off God's throne the second I stop believing. God's fine. I'm not worried about God. 

Today I only grieve. Today I scream, I shout, I act like an ass, I throw things, I cry, I pull the covers over my head. 

Today, I grieve and I grieve and I grieve. And I hold space for every single ridiculous way each other person grieves. It's all grief. Those clinging, those crying, those losing their minds completely. 

If we're not collectively losing our ever loving minds then what in god's name are we doing? 

"If that was my child...." IT IS OUR CHILD!!!!! For god's sake it's our child. Humanity. One. The same. All. For the love. Let us rage like a grieving mother. Let us mourn like a grieving mother. Let us act out like a grieving mother. Let us be moved like a grieving mother. Let us mother our nation. Let us mother our world. 

What the hell are we doing? What in actual, literal, EFFING HELL are we doing? 

God be with us. 

Amen.